#kaiser selfship

[okkotsuus]

# ROSE ANGEL: an overview 🪽

features: michael kaiser x grace (selfship)

contents: relationship overview, dynamics, etc.

notes: requested by my lovely alice, i'm still sorry for that yukki angst so this is my apology, also this is way longer than i intended it to be sorry i like to yap about my blorbos.

HOW THEY MET

as i have stated before, my blue lock persona is a team manager who is trained in sports medicine (this is because i want to be a doctor irl and will pursue that in college after i graduate high school).

so, naturally, michael and i met through bastard munchen.

at first, i actually hated him because of when he first joined and ended up sending damn near half the team into my clinic when they tried to eat with him. unfortunately, he is a bastard who grows on you like a weed.

when he first started trying to use is psychological tactics (as he did with ness) on me, i called him out on how obvious his manipulation was. as a nerd who very proudly got a 5 on her AP psych exam: he should have known better than thank that bullshit would work on me.

that interaction is really what got me interested in him, like the blip that put him on my radar.

obviously i knew he existed before that, but i didn't really gaf until then. it's what really got me paying attention to him, what made me actually see him.

from then on, i began to see the little things about him: the way he eats every part of his meal (even the things that others normally pick over). the way that he never picks up anything other than wine, how he avoids the drunks when walking through the streets. the way that he subconsciously shields himself from the world, like it would hurt him if ever given the chance.

it wasn't necessarily the healthiest thing, but my interest in him started purely out of curiosity: the desire to break him open just to see what lied beneath his walls. it was an innate need to see what he was hiding.

that all led to a tense relationship between us for a long while. i would push, he would push back. it was a game of tug, to see who would break first. and it ended up being me.

michael had come into the infirmary for a band-aid, just to get ness to stop flipping his shit about the small cut on his shin from another player's cleats accidentally scraping his porcelain skin. he finds me hunched over my desk, files scattered over the mahogany as i scribble down various words. so intensely focused that i do not even perceive his entry nor his advance. in a small journal, he sees me writing a list of what appears to be attributes, before his cerulean gaze slides to the top of the page. 'michael observation logs'. a chuckle slips past his lips, almost incredulous. that sound is what shakes me from my trance as i jolt and whip my head around to stare at him in something akin to how a child looks when they've been caught doing something they shouldn't have been. "you've got that one wrong, it wasn't the old man that left, it was ma."

after that night, something just... changed between us. like a wall was let down.

kaiser clearly didn't trust me as far as he could throw me (which is probably farther than i'd like to admit), but when i pushed, he didn't snap back, there was more of a silent boundary than the loud one that was before.

he took more, like if i were to insult his hair: he'd just hum and quietly run his fingers through the tousled strands to tame it. before, he'd scoff and rush to find something meaner to berate me for.

it was like he had started to care.

HOW THEY LOVE

the time between the softening of kaiser's walls and our relationship was longer than one would think it is. it took a year of that weird dynamic before anything even remotely romantic had happened.

it started with little things: a single blue rose being anonymously delivered to the club house for me every week. wordlessly, kaiser memorized my orders for just about any setting the team went to together and he'd just occasionally show up with food or coffee and leave it on my desk.

i really began to notice it when he'd play. because for the briefest, most imperceptible moment after scoring a goal: his eyes would find mine. as if making sure i was watching.

he doesn't make a real move for a long while, simply because he doesn't think he has to: there was no risk for him. there was no rival lion in his pride.

it wasn't until one day, after a tough game against a rival team that ended up with bastard munchen facing a draw, that something actually pushed him to act.

michael was angry, understandably so. their defensive line had shut down ness in the last fifteen minutes of the game: effectively shutting down the gateway for him to score. in that time, their forward had managed to score a point to tie the game. and after all that, when he looks over as the whistle blows: he's forced to see the opposing team's coach chatting with me like it was nothing. it was his final straw. he ignores ness' words as his lips curl back into a snarl, shoulders squaring as he debates it in his head. but his body moves before his mind finishes. in seconds, his palm is splayed over the small of my back: looming over me from behind with a tight-lipped smile. "our manager is needed by our team, speak to our coach if you have something to say, ja?"

ngl i was giggling and kicking my feet while writing that <3

but it was after that michael actually realized there were other people in the world with eyes. eyes that could be looking at me when he wasn't around. and he knew he had to do something about it.

he doesn't actually ask me out, which kind of pissed me off: but then i realized he probably didn't know how these things go (given his past...)

it was short, an address scribbled in his horrendous penmanship shoved into my hand with just "be ready at seven, dress nice."

how he knew where my apartment was, to this day i still do not know. probably had ness stalk me for him or something... that freak.

after that, we were locked in.

he doesn't truly open up to me for a long time, likely many months later.

it's sudden, all of it comes out in one go, like he was a dam that just finally cracked. he tells me about everything: his father's abuse, his mother's absence, his imprisonment; all without shedding a single tear.

lowkey while he was talking, internally i was that 'i'm cooked' dog meme because lord this man has so much baggage i cannot possible fix all of this.

and that's just it: i cannot fix him, so i will not try to.

for a while, that's enough.

we tiptoe around the big problems in our relationship and indulge in what is good. michael simply does not want to open the pandora's box that is his past to anyone else: which takes therapy out of the equation.

it's good and it's simple for the time i am allowed to have him. he doesn't know how to love or how to be loved, but he does it like breathing.

because when michael kaiser cares about someone, he does it with every fibre of his broken being.

but caring wasn't enough, because any love he has is fated to inevitably end.

HOW THEY END

woohoo big shocker, we do eventually break up. this is written in mainly because i want to see how he plays out in the nel to see how and if we are brought back together.

it all happens in one big blowout fight, where i finally see what his father's anger looks like. he doesn't put his hands on me: i don't believe kaiser is capable of doing what was done to him to someone he truly loves.

but his mouth is venomous, he picks at insecurities i had confided in him so foolishly, some that i didn't even know i had.

it's screaming and things we regret saying on both sides.

and it all ends with me slamming the door of his penthouse with a promise that he will never see me again.

he doesn't take me seriously, he thinks i'll crawl back and beg for his forgivness. he thinks he'll walk into practice and i'll be there waiting with his favorite water bottle.

but it doesn't happen. my office is empty and my name plaque no longer exists on the desk: nor do any of the various trinkets that used to litter the space.

it was like i was never there.

and it sends a panic through him, because this is the second time in his life a woman has up and left him; but, this time, it was actually his fault.

AESTHETICS/VISUALS

jd x veronica from heathers lowkey feels like our trope... guys we were doomed from the start let's be honest.

kaiser and i's relationship is late nights, long drives, and silent care.

if we had a song it would be: matilda (harry styles)

⚜️ ㅤ okkotsuus ㅤ 25

[saetiate]

dec. 22 ✧ day nine ✧ gingerbread house decorating kaiser x reader fluff <3 notes: reader is described as a woman that is arguably not feminine, but a woman all the same, with some personality.

The living room is in an array when he gets home, to say the least.

So many square-shaped cookes are laid out across the dining table, peppermint candies and candycanes are stuck carefully to a half-propped house. You come out of the kitchen with a bowl in hand, and the way your face immediately lights up at the sight of him makes him almost forget the mess.

"Mihya! You're home!" You go to kiss him, and you taste sweet, icing sugar on your lips that has him pulling you in just a little deeper.

He wraps an arm around his waist. "I'm home, love. And you're…" He gestures to the room.

"Gingerbread house making!"

Right. Clearly.

You pull him into the dining room with you, down onto the bench, and drag the half-made house right in front of him, along with a completed little gingerbread square. He does it almost unthinkingly, taking it from you as he watches you prance, moving from standing to sitting as you hum and decorate.

It's warm, he notices. The cookie in his hand, your body next to his, his heart in his chest.

It reminds him of something you've told him before, much before he'd ever gotten down on one knee. That you don't know if you hold femininity in a traditional sense. That you will not make a home out of a kitchen, or twirl in a garden for him to admire. He's never asked that of you, anyways.

A woman, you're sure to tell him that about yourself. More hard edges than softness, more direct than easygoing. But a woman, nonetheless. And having you lay gingerbread cookies all over the dining room table, icing snowed over your shirt and pants, standing over the miniature cookie-bricked house so that you get the angle just right… That's more than he's ever asked for.

He flicks edible glitter into your face with his hand, watching as you flinch.

"Mihya!" You laugh, so wholeheartedly it almost catches him off-guard, making him laugh in return. He presses the wall of the cookie house to the base cookie, balancing it carefully.

You hold walls around your heart. He understands it, he's done the same for so long. But you opened up yours for him anyways, let him into your world with each fragmented, stained-glass piece.

It's in the watching of a mirror, he thinks. The way you first react to pull away to touch, your innate uncomfortableness to the love your friends extend. And then it's way you take a step further than he ever has, in watching you try anyways. In watching you say "I love you", even as a whisper. In pulling people back into your orbit even when everything is telling you to run from them.

It makes him think that maybe, he can try too.

"One more, Mihya," you lay what must be a part of a roof in front of him, half-decorated already. There's a border of icing around it that clearly looks like you couldn't stop the piping from pouring out.

He can't help it, he covers his eyes and a laugh spits out of him.

"What?" You look at him, incredelous, mirroring his smile.

"It's so bad." And now, he can't stop, slapping his hand over his mouth as his body shakes.

"Excuse me?" You laugh with him, staring over his shoulder to see what he's seeing. "It's a roof!"

"Why is there so much icing?"

"I- okay, look, piping is not easy. You try!"

"Oh no, no need," he gasps out, "There's enough icing for three roofs."

"You do not get to complain unless you wanna do the rest of the roofs!"

He grips your chin and pulls you into a kiss, a breath of laughter on his lips. It shocks you, icing bag still in your hand, a poof of white dust catches the light.

When he finally pulls apart from you, he grazes a thumb over your cheek, taking in your wide-eyed look. "Okay. I'll do the rest of the roofs."

"Oh thank god, my arms are killing me from all the icing." You hand him the bag, shaking it in the air. He takes it from you willingly, catching your hand before it can pull away to kiss the back of it.

twelve days of selfshipmas event

god, these selfship excerpts are getting more and more personal LMAO. ALSO CAN YOU BELIEVE this isn't about sae HAHA i just really felt like writing kaiser for this one!!

sorry to tartagliove (who made this event) in advance bc it started as just gingerbread house making and then i went overboard w my feelings HAHA BUT I HAD so much fun writing this!!

[cheralith]

— VENUS AS A BOY ; MICHAEL KAISER ; ALIKAI "he's exploring the taste of her arousal, so accurate, he sets off the beauty in her." venus as a boy - björk

includes ✧ childhood friends to lovers, long-term pining, toxic love, obsession, gaslighting hand-in-hand (other musings) ✧ biting and marking, matching tattoos, long and deep hugs, love letters, photos of each other in wallets, large flower bouquets, a non-confessional relationship, knuckle kisses, late night whispering, face caressing, outfits handpicked by him

tuning in (other songs) ✧ seventeen - heathers, the musical, bernadette - iamx, new year's prayer - jeff buckley, flowers in december - mazzy star, flawless - the neighbourhood, seekers who are lovers - cocteau twins

— he takes your engagement ring off your finger and throws it into the river where you and him stand so still and tense above on a bridge.

the seams that barely hold him together finally snap. he curses under a hissing breath that he should've never let you leave him for a country halfway across the globe, as you come back to him three years later with a secret you've been dwelling yourself over keeping—that you've secretly had another kept in your heart. he screams and scolds you, shakes your shoulders with a framing of crystals in his eyes; how dare you? have you forgotten that promise you have to him at nine years old? where you promised your eternity to him?

you shake your head and he glowers. fine then. he'll remind you full and well that there is no one in this world that you belong to other than him, and best believe there is no measure that he won't take that will prove in doing so.

[cervinae-canine]

i love people that selfship with "weird" looking characters and their dynamic is this (they love each other very much)

[shannonlovesfunandsmiles]

Snidely and me + other stuff

[poishy]

u ever just hang out w/ someone n start mimicking them as you get closer to them ? :]

[hayatoseyepatch]

HELLO??? HELLOO???? Please run do not walk to get a comm from Zen she’s literally so amazing and talented and so fucking sweet (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞❤︎︎

@saexy Thank you so so much for this amazing commission of me and Kaiser! Words cannot actually express how in love with this I am (ˊ̥̥̥̥̥ ³ ˋ̥̥̥̥̥) ♡︎

[merlucide]

HAPPY (slightly late) BIRTHDAY TO MY MANZ!! 🥹💗

+ Merry Christmas!! (I swear I have forgotten how to draw myself n Kaiser oml)

[tofumiarchives]

—everyone adores you;; kaifumi

“don’t modify, every one adores you. at least i do,”

michael kaiser x tofumi

at a glance... star x biggest fan, artist x muse, idiots in love, mutual pinning, yapper x yapper, parallel themes, “i could fix him but whatever's wrong with him is much more interesting.”

including... midnight musings, subtle physical affection, acts of service, lighthearted debates, hand holding, matching jewelry, evening walks, sketching him, flower bouquets, tattoo tracing, dedicating goals, varying dates, soft teasing, learning eachothers' mother tongue

the radio plays... disaster - conan gray, peach eyes - wave to earth, vibes - chase atlantic, arabella - arctic monkeys, come inside of my heart - iv of spades, love me not - ravyn lenae

“good morning, my pretty princess with a disorder,” —

— “when will you greet me with a regular nickname?”

“never, micha.” —

— “you’re so unromantic, liebling,”

[0lliecl0wn]

update on me and postie in toodachi life

we got fucking married lets GOOOOOO

(L to R) disco kid, von kaiser, king hippo, glass joe, drawe (an oc of mine), bear hugger, great tiger, and aran ryan came to our wedding (idfk where don and hondo went but they're somewhere, the rest of the punch out cast is still being made)

we also honeymooned in switerland which was fire

so yeah, i officially married my selfship in tomodachi life in one day

what a time to be alive???

[saetiate]

those who like someone with competency vs those who like someone with incompetency. like to the point where it cound be considered a kink/fetish. very intriguing

[ceruark]

honey, way down, would you say i'm worthy? ⨳ cerukai

▹ at-a-glance: childhood friends to lovers, reunion, obsessive and possessive behavior, manipulation, second chances, holding onto hope, healing together.

▹ now playing: just pretend - bad omens

▹ up next: 2 chord - sleeping with sirens ⊹ b2b - charli xcx ⊹ begin again - purity ring ⊹ die for you - the weeknd ⊹ dive in - pierce the veil ⊹ judas - lady gaga ⊹ maroon - taylor swift ⊹ seven - taylor swift ⊹ the sky under the sea - pierce the veil ⊹ vanish into you - lady gaga ⊹ wonderless - pierce the veil ⊹ you and i - pvris

it really shouldn’t have surprised you that he’d grown so attached to you.

you both grew up on one of the shittier sides of berlin. a year older than him, you ran into each other frequently, at the local park you both took refuge in, though for a few years you kept your distance from each other.

when you noticed him limping one day, you finally approached him, slowly walking forward until he was calm enough for you to tend to his injuries. he reminded you of a disgruntled, hissing cat— a demeanor that, you would learn, would not fade with time or under different circumstances.

it went on like that for a while; you approached him when you could, helping him when he allowed you to draw near and backing off when he lashed out at you. after nearly a year of this song and dance, he let you in completely, and eventually took to trailing you around the park and even around the town most days.

you and micha never really shared meaningful conversation; there wasn’t much for either of you to say about your lives. for the most part, you just existed in each other’s presences, a sense of solidarity and belonging tethering you two together. words weren’t needed when you already leaned against each other in your most vulnerable moments.

then, one day, he disappeared.

you never forgot him; even as you moved out of berlin and began pursuing higher-level education, you never forgot him. the memory of him grew smaller as your world grew bigger, but it persisted nonetheless, the fondness for him seizing your heart in an aching vice on random nights.

you often wondered if you should reach out; you’re not a fool, and bastard münchen’s star player bore a striking resemblance to him— besides, you would know those eyes anywhere. but doubt weighs you down, and you’d seen the interviews where he expertly evades questions about his family and home life. he’s left the past behind, and he clearly wants nothing to do with it anymore, you included.

so you never reach out, and yet, somehow, a bouquet overflowing with blue roses somehow finds its way to you the day of your graduation.

there’s no card attached, but one isn’t needed— with your past, you know who sent it, the flowers are enough of a signature.

he finally appears before you two weeks later, approaching you in the cafe you’d frequented during the entirety of undergrad. he slots back into your life like he never left it, adulthood allowing you both to connect in ways you weren’t able to in the past.

you’re spending so much time with him, you don’t even realize it. you feel like you’ve been snapped out of a trance when your former college roommate complains that she hasn’t seen you in five months, and has hardly heard from you in general, given that you’ve been ignoring her messages.

messages that you’d never even seen pop up on your phone, messages that she swears went through and had even been marked as read.

the honeymoon phase comes crashing down around you when you bring everything up to him. arguing with him makes you feel insane and always ends in tears. trying to pull back is even worse, as the teeth and claws that sink deeper into your flesh at every attempt leave your skin beading with blood droplets that tender lips kiss away.

it’s a tug of war, one you know you can’t win, but you can’t let go, not when the rope was tied around your wrists when you weren’t looking.��

you finally hit your limit one night when your typical argument shifts into something else far more vitriolic than you’re used to— you should be grateful that he’s even giving you the time of day when he can have anyone he wants; people would be falling over themselves to be in your position, you know.

oh, you laugh. you laugh something sharp and bitter, and it’s a sound from you that neither of you have heard before. 

you tell him to go have his pick of the crop, then. go find someone who will be perfect for him, someone who’ll adhere to his every whim without question. you doubt someone else will last as long as you have.

you leave. you block him on everything, you move to the other side of the city, you change your phone number, and you leave. it almost breaks you, but you do it.

it’s almost funny, really, the sixth sense he seems to have when it comes to you; it’s just as you’ve finally finished stitching yourself back together, ready to pursue another relationship, when he shows up on your doorstep. 

you don’t even know how he found you again, but at this point, you don’t care. you scream and cry and futilely shove at his chest, doing whatever you can to chase him away. you won’t let him in again. you can’t. the first time almost killed you. 

but for the first time ever, he says nothing. he lets you have your meltdown uninterrupted, unchallenged. the neutral look he fixes you with isn’t one meant to belittle you, but rather, one meant to withstand whatever you hurl at him. he takes it— all of it, everything you have to give— and when you collapse into yourself, exhausted beyond words and still sobbing, he catches you and holds you close, still saying nothing.

he’s in therapy now. you find out from alexis, who, to your surprise, is an actual friend to michael now, actually treated like the human he is. he’s been in therapy for nearly two years, and— to your total and utter shock— had asked both alexis and yoichi to make sure he didn’t approach you until they deemed him stable enough to be something of a person. something worth your time, your presence, your love.

your friends berate you when you take him back; some of them outright drop you altogether, saying that they won’t deal with you when you never seem to learn your lesson.

maybe it won’t get better. maybe he’ll never change. maybe your friends are right, but he’s trying, for you, and that’s enough. there’s nothing you’ve started that you haven’t seen through to the end, and you’ll be damned if you do now, when it matters most.

it’s rotten work, but you’ll do it. you always have.

[cervinae-canine]

An absolute agonizing (beautiful) thing about having a F/O is when you get reminded of them from looking at innocuous things that you see everyday. You're looking at birds? Ah yes, that weirdo. You're looking at a beautiful forest landscape? Yep, that dork too. YOU'RE LOOKING AT A GODDAMN COLOR? YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT IT'S THEM!!!

[zoieru]

selfshipping on any level with kaiser is funny because it's like I can see you all at a function at lil play dates with your bllk men like they're dogs meeting their friends and I can't bring mine because he's too misbehaving -

I'm just watching like this 🧍‍♂️🐩

[suosteacup]

I know it's still Suo Day today and all but...

credits: @oniringi 😘🫶🏻

[hayatoseyepatch]

AHHHHHHH I ‘m screaming over another amazing comm from @sucodelauranja another one for the collage lmao. One of my ABSOLUTE favorite comms from her from… fuck.. almost two years ago now that’s actually crazy.. had a little bit of a makeover 🤭💖

Thank you thank you thank you I am so BEYOND in love with this. It’s also so COOL to see all the progress you’ve made in such a short period of time I’m so proud of you bubs! MWACH 😘

(The old one under the cut cause I still do love it so much)